Day 80

Amy, Joe's old neighbour, dropped by today with a few of Joe's things. Joe didn't have anyone else so I suppose she thought I should have them. Is that all that's left of Joe? A few items in a cheap plastic bag?

I dreaded opening the bag, but I had to. In it were a worn Bible, a diary, a picture of Joe with my family, a child's painting, and a locket containing a picture of a woman I didn't know. So Joe had some secrets from me after all... All my suppressed feelings of grief surfaced and overwhelmed me like a flood. I don't cry usually, but today I wept like a baby, bitter, heart rending sobs that left me drained.

I finally put the things away, apart from the Bible which I flipped through idly. Its a book like no other I've read, full of historical narrative, poetry and mysticism. My eyes fell on this striking passage:

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.”

I think I'll read some more. Not much else to do at the moment.

I called Elsbeth today and asked if I could help out more regularly at the charity shop. She was reluctant, concerned for my health, but I insisted. There is no point clinging to a sinking ship when you can have one last decent swim before drowning.